Something in the Water
by korisnik
Summary: The Kiheitai go to a space onsen that promises a rejuvenating experience. There are consequences.


Inspired by that one BD/DVD cover. I didn't think there was enough material for a decent fic but then I figured there might be other people who also crave any kind of tiny Kiheitai content. All criticisms/grammar corrections/etc are welcome.

* * *

Nobody could've expected this to happen when the members of his inner circle showed up in front of his quarters with a flyer advertising "Fullmetal Obstacle", which was apparently a fun and challenging obstacle course newly built on Proxima Centauri b.

"You see, Shinsuke-dono," Henpeita starts, "It's been a while since we held any team building activities..."

"I'm not participating in any team building activities."

"They have an onsen too, Shinsuke-sama!" Matako adds hastily, "Look at the other side!"

Takasugi turns the flyer over and is greeted with a tacky "Onsen! in Space" title, the text under it promising a "completely rejuvenating experience in the best onsen in the Alpha Centauri system". Takasugi strongly suspects it is also the only onsen in the Alpha Centauri system.

"The men all said they would be honored if the top brass took their time relaxing in the onsen while they're going through the course," Henpeita declares proudly, his stance unwavering.

Takasugi tears his gaze from the flyer to shoot a skeptical look at the trio assembled at the door. "The men said that?"

Bansai is just standing there with his hands in his pockets, straight-faced and unreadable as ever. Matako, however, is biting her lip and squirming.

"Well... not yet, Shinsuke-dono," Henpeita admits. "But I'm sure they will once we tell them."

Takasugi frowns, mulling it over. Truth be told, even he could tell that the crew needed some downtime after the recent events. He hands the flyer back to Henpeita.

"Fine," he decides. "I'll go along, then."

* * *

The rejuvenating experience promised on the flyer wasn't just a turn of phrase, the Kiheitai members discover when they show up at the pick up location and suddenly find themselves dealing with three confused children led by an equally confused twenty-something year old Henpeita.

There are dried tear tracks on Takasugi's face ("That one had a bit of a shock when he couldn't open his eye," Henpeita said, handing off the children. "But the other two calmed him down.") but that doesn't deter him from trying his hardest to look menacing as he corners one of the Kiheitai's senior officers, flanked by Bansai and Matako.

"You said I was your commander, didn't you? Well, I command you to take me to Yoshida Shouyou!"

"Shinsuke-sama, it's not that easy-" The officer starts, but cuts himself off with a shriek. "Matako-dono, please put that gun down. I promise I'll do what I can, just hand me the gun, please."

After a couple of quick calls to the Yorozuya Gin-chan establishment and one long one when its proprietor finally stops hanging up on them, it is decided that Sakata Gintoki and Katsura Kotarou would be the ones to take care of their de-aged commander until everything goes back to normal. If it ever does.

* * *

Bansai discovered there was a sword inside his shamisen not too long ago and decided it's best to keep that information to himself. He grips the instrument tighter as he listens to the unfamiliar voices drawing nearer.

"I can't say they didn't deserve it, Gintoki. It is because of so called samurai like that who go to flashy Amanto onsens that our country is the way it is. This never would have happened if they went to a traditional onsen. "

"Come on, Zura, wasn't it you that-" The man stops when they enter the bridge. "Wow, Takasugi, I thought it only felt that way, but you really do seem to be getting shorter every time I see you."

The way Shinsuke's shoulders stiffen at the sight of the two men reminds Bansai of a threatened cat. The white haired man takes a step forward, and Shinsuke flinches and involuntarily backs up, bumping into Bansai as he frantically scrambles to get away, and all Bansai can catch is a look of terror on his face before he is already out of the room.

"How dare you upset Shinsuke!?" Matako is quick to retaliate, running over to the man and kicking him full force in the shin, causing him to go down before a handful of Kiheitai officers rush in to separate the two.

The resulting scuffle makes it easy for Bansai to decide to go after Shinsuke, so he runs off undetected, dragging his shamisen behind him.

Bansai finds him in the cargo bay, hidden from the view on one of the crates in the back, sitting cross-legged with his hand supporting his chin. Takasugi gives him a wary look as he watches him push his shamisen on top of the crate, then hoist himself up to sit next to him, letting his legs dangle over the edge, but doesn't say anything to stop him. Bansai doesn't say anything either, just picks the shamisen back and hugs it to himself, resting on it, perfectly content to just sit in silence next to Takasugi.

Takasugi was already feeling embarrassed enough at his sudden outburst, but now he can feel the awkwardness settling in too, although the other kid, Bansai is what he recalls his name was, is seemingly unaffected. They sit for a while until Takasugi can't ignore the strange kid anymore and he clears his throat before speaking up.

"Can you play?" He asks, looking at the shamisen.

Bansai nods. "Do you want me to play something?"

"I can play, too. Sensei is teaching me. Zura is decent enough, I guess, and Gintoki doesn't even try, but Sensei thinks I have a real talent."

Bansai doesn't look too impressed, so Takasugi drops the subject. They lapse into silence again.

Takasugi doesn't want to face Gintoki and Zura just yet, but he'd rather return on his own terms than when some adult inevitably comes looking for them. "We should go back," he says.

Bansai makes a non-commital noise before turning to Takasugi. "Will you be leaving with those men?"

"I don't know," he mutters. "I'm not stupid. I know they won't take me to Sensei for a reason. I thought once I see Zura and Gintoki, things would feel more right, even if they're adults now. Instead it just feels worse."

He looks at Bansai. "What about you? Do you have a family to go to?"

Bansai shrugs. "Perhaps. I think I would like to stay here with you, if I am allowed to. You have an interesting sound." He pauses, swinging his legs to an inaudible rhythm, before shooting him a conspiratorial smile. "It can get really heavy sometimes."

Takasugi frowns, his eyebrows furrowing. "You're weird. I hope you know that."

With that, Takasugi jumps down from the crate and while he waits up for Bansai who slides down and turns around to pick his shamisen up, a thought occurs to him that maybe this whole situation isn't so unbearable as he initially thought.

When they find their way back to the bridge, they're greeted with the sight of Zura holding Matako on his hip, a half-done braid in his hair forgotten as the two of them peer over Gintoki's shoulder to look at the flyer he's holding.

"Find a phone number, Gintoki. I'll lodge a complaint. This whole facility should be shut down. Back in our day, there was no need for such fancy obstacle courses. We made our own obstacle courses in forests and fields and there's nothing wrong with us now."

"There's plenty wrong with you, Zura," Gintoki says absent-mindedly as he turns the flyer over, eyes scanning the text. "Who even says they're using phones on this planet?"

Matako suddenly leans down, dangling precariously from Zura's hands, and points excitedly. "Look, there are some numbers here! This tiny text here! 1...2..."

Zura squints at the paper. "No, that just says: '*The rejuvenating effect can last up to 12 hours. REFUND WILL NOT BE PROVIDED.' Try looking on the other side again, Gintoki."

"Zura... That's it... Zura..." Gintoki's hand flies to Zura's arm, shaking him. "The rejuvenating effect can last up to 12 hours!" He looks up from the flyer, his gaze landing at the gaggle of Kiheitai members surrounding them. "Can't anyone on this damn ship read?!"

"I know all of hiragana!"

He pats Matako on the head, giving her an approving smile. "That's great kid, good for you."

Gintoki looks around, thinking of ways to split Takasugi's men into groups and send them off to go look for him when he finally notices Takasugi's already returned and is now standing by the doorway with a miniature version of his second-in-command, scowling at him with a determined glare that sends Gintoki back to childhood.

"Did you hear that, squirt?" A huge grin stretches on his face. "You'll be back to your marginally taller self just in time for Ladies 4."

* * *

Several hours later, when things go back to normal and Takasugi makes them swear they won't tell anyone about the incident (Gintoki guffawed, "Because you have so many friends we could possibly be telling this to? What a joke!" while Zura nodded solemnly, "We will only be telling Sakamoto."), Zura and Gintoki find themselves back at the entrance to Kabuki-cho.

"Gotta tell you, I'm glad that ended well," Gintoki concludes. "We already went through puberty with him once, I don't know if I could've handled a second time."


End file.
